Jot William Turner. Speak his name. Share his story. 💜
🚨 Trigger warning: 🚨 this blog post involves suicide.
If you love ANYONE in this world - doesn’t have to be a child - DO NOT exit out of this. This story, this message NEEDS to be told and you need to learn from this story. So, do me a favor, go get Kleenex before you read this. I promise, you will need them. I encourage you NOT to shy away from this story. I understand your hesitation, but this is a crucial message in 2024. You will see why.
An important note: before writing this, I did contact the mom of the student who this story is about. I wanted to get her blessing before I wrote this out of respect for her and her family. She said she was okay with me sharing Jot’s story.
A month ago today, I was brought to my knees in sadness. February 1, 2024 is one of those days I will never forget. It is still so raw to me that I am covered in goosebumps with tears in my eyes just writing these words.
The morning before, January 31, the parents of Mustang Public Schools (just outside of Oklahoma City) received an email from the administration alerting parents of an incident that happened on January 31, 2024 at Mustang High School. A student in crisis attempted self-harm in a bathroom. Immediately, the parents in this district were on high alert. At the time of the email we were not given details surrounding the event. We didn’t know if the student survived or really even know what happened. But as you guys know, in this day and age, word gets around with lightning speed due to the use of technology.
It wasn’t long before our son was texting me in shock saying he knew the hallway bathroom where it happened and had even seen a picture of the bloody aftermath from other students who had Snapchat. <Side note: We do NOT allow our children (ages 15 and 13) to have social media of any kind.> Our son, who doesn’t have Snapchat, had seen the blood covering a bathroom stall. He was horrified and extremely sad that someone there in his ethosphere felt like there was no way out. I knew a hard conversation was coming later that evening, but even I was not prepared for what was coming. There was a curveball in the air that no one saw coming.
The next morning I dropped my son off at school. Before I even left the campus he was texting me in a panic. “MOM! It was Jot!” Our son, Harrison, is a Freshman and is a tenor on the Mustang High School Marching Band drumline. Jot was a junior who played base drum on the drumline with our son. I picked up my phone and used voice text to replied with my parental words of wisdom: Until you know something concrete, don’t believe / spread rumors. He immediately replied back with, “he passed.” Cold chills raced down my body as a drove away from the high school. I immediately picked up the phone in a panic and called him. “HE PASSED?!” I franticly said into the phone when he answered. “Yeah, mom,'“ he said very somberly. “He’s dead,” he said to me after a deep gulp. “NO! NO! NO! Don’t you DARE believe that. Those are mean and cruel rumors being spread. Until you hear it from an adult, don’t you dare believe that. We don’t have any word from the school saying anyone has died.” I said to him. I told him that high school is probably the worst place in the world for gossip and I didn’t want him believing a word other kids were saying until we knew it as fact. I tried to encourage him that everything would be okay and we got off the phone. Almost immediately after we hung up I got the remind message from the band: “All percussion students, please report to the band room first hour.” Tears started forming and my heart was racing the whole way home. I knew I had to do research immediately when I got home. Surely I could find something to confirm it if it was indeed true.
I raced home and instantly threw open my laptop. I began researching as fast as I could. I’m just going to throw out this truth bomb: a mom can do better internet sleuthing than the FBI. I said what I said. All of you know it’s true too. 😏 I couldn’t find a thing saying any student from the high school had passed away: not on a news source, no email from the school, nothing on Facebook - NOTHING. Not one peep. I begged and pleaded with God. Please don’t let this be true.
I knew one thing for sure. Harrison was in a mandatory, unscheduled meeting. That was all I knew. I couldn’t do anything. I needed to get my workout in, I needed to work. I had SO MUCH planned for the day and I couldn’t do anything but pace around my house. I made laps around my house as I waited for any news. And then it happened. I got a new Group Me request for a new Drumline parent group - one without Jot’s mom. My heart sank and I dropped to my knees with tears pouring down my face. It confirmed the worst possible news. One of our beloved drumline students had died. He was a 17 year old junior in high school. WHY?????! My heart cried out. Why? Why? Why?
The crazy twist no one saw coming came from an email that hit our inboxes at 9:50 am from the school district. “It is with a heavy heart that I confirm what many of you have heard: yesterday, Jot Turner, a Junior at Mustang High School, passed away unexpectedly.” It went on to say, “we can confirm this was NOT the student involved in yesterday’s self-harm incident; however, we are aware that there have been rumors that this was a suicide death.”
HOLD. ON. WHAT?! “We can confirm this was NOT the student involved in yesterday’s self-harm incident.” My mind was spinning. 😵💫 My heart was in extreme pain. 💔
January 31, 2024: one student attempted self harm in a bathroom at the high school and another committed suicide at his house. Two students: one horrible, horrible day. As our school principal recently said, “it was the worst day of my professional career.”
One positive note from this story: I am happy to report that the student who attempted self-harm at school did survive and is on the road to recovery.
I tell you this story because there are important take aways from this horrific day.
LESSON 1: If you let your child have social media, you absolutely MUST be checking it. I know it sounds like a lot, but from what we learned, it is critical. What we know. 1) from the student who attempted self-harm at school, another student went into the bathroom after the student was transported to the hospital and took a picture and shared it on SnapChat. Before the end of the school day, pretty much everyone at the high school - social media users or not - had seen the aftermath. It is CRITICAL that we teach our young people basic human etiquette and decency. There was absolutely NO GOOD that came from this photo that went viral at the high school that day. Students were begged by staff and administration to stop sharing the photo on socials that day. Please, please, please teach your teenagers how to use social media properly. And please, check their social media to ensure they are in a safe place mentally.
LESSON 2: After an investigation into Jot’s death, authorities found that he committed suicide because he was the victim of cyber bullying. Echoing back to point one, we must learn to treat each other with kindness and respect on the internet. Cyber bullying is COMPLETELY out of control right now. How sad is it that a young man with his whole life ahead of him thought the only way out was by taking his life? His parents, his friends, his band directors and teachers - NONE OF THEM - never saw a sign of distress or crisis. We all can, and need to, do better.
LESSON 3: If you think for one second, “I won’t ever have to deal with this situation,” check yourself. I never once thought that I would have to walk our 15-year-old son through the death of a peer. NEVER! Learn from my naivety, please! I, myself, suck at dealing with grief because of the all too painful earthly finality that death brings. I never once thought our son would play drums at the funeral of one of his own drumline member’s funeral. NEVER.
Jot’s mom, Mistie, is one of the bravest women I know. She requested that our drumline play cadences one more time for Jot to open his funeral. Why? Because he loved drumline and all things band and music. It was his love language. Our strong and brave students played two cadences for their dear friend Jot one last time. Tears streamed down their faces as they played. But they played just for Jot. They pushed past their pain and sadness while they paid tribute to him through his love language.
LESSON 4: TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SUICIDE. If you have a middle school or high school student, you MUST have this conversation. I’ll go one step further. You may not have to talk to the adults around you about it, but you need to make sure that they know that you see them, you are here for them and that you love them. Have the hard conversation. Establish a safe space where hard conversations can be had - no matter the subject. At our house, we have declared our dining room table as a “safe space.” We can have a hard conversation about anything scary at the dining room table without anyone getting mad or upset. We promised our kids - and ensured our kids - that we can work through ANYTHING. We told them that we could solve their biggest, deepest, scariest problems and that we are happy to help them through anything that seems impossible without any judgement whatsoever.
LESSON 5: Reach out to your legislators about cyber bullying. The other student that cyber bullied Jot hasn’t seen any punishment from law enforcement because Oklahoma’s cyber bullying laws are too weak. Remember I told you Jot’s mom was the bravest woman I know? I’m getting ready to tell you just how amazing she really is. Not only was she able to get out of bed and function after her son’s passing (I am serious when I say I am not sure I could function after losing a child), she is now working on getting legislation passed to protect other children in the state of Oklahoma from cyber bullying. If you want to protect your child or any other child from this horrific fate, reach out to the people who represent you and tell them you want teeth on cyber bullying laws. No kid, no parent, no community should EVER suffer like this.
LESSON 6: The 80 foot tape measure. The pastor leading Jot’s funeral shared a message that was deeply impactful to everyone present. Several people got up and spread out an 80 foot tape measure across the church auditorium. The pastor explained that this tape measure represented an average human life expectancy. Each foot represented a year and every inch in the foot was one month. The pastor asked another pastor to go to foot 17 and hold it up. Ironically, (was not planned) foot / year 17 was exactly the spot of Jot’s base drum. The pastor encouraged all the young people in the room to look at the rest of that tape measure begging them not to let something that happened that may seem so huge and painful in your life to affect everything that you have in your future. The visual of the life that Jot had in front of him that he won’t see was incredibly painful. Tears streamed down every face in the church. He asked the other pastor to hold up foot 14 - 18. That represented the span of high school and how visually minuscule it is in the entirety of your life. He asked the other pastor to hold up 6 inches. 6 very small inches represented the average high school romantic relationship. “Don’t let something so small and so insignificant impact the rest of your life ahead of you.”
LESSON 7: The most important lesson of all. DON’T LET A DAY GO BY WITHOUT TELLING YOUR CHILD(REN) HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM. Don’t have a child? You know those important people in your life? Tell them how much you love them and how important they are to you. Hug your children. Hug your loved ones. Hug your friends. You NEVER KNOW what other people are going through. There is so much hurt and chaos in this world. Be a light to those in the dark. PLEASE! Encourage those around you that this world is a better place because they are in it. You! Reading this right now. The world is a better place because you are in it. 💜 You have so many amazing things ahead of you! Don’t be discouraged. Don’t let something weigh you down that means nothing in the grand scheme of your life.
Is this a scary conversation to have with your kids? YES. I will admit that all day long. What is even more scary than this serious conversation is NOT having it and dealing with an unimaginable nightmare
Thank you so very much for reading this important blog post. Thank you for sharing this message with either your children or someone you love so they know that they are needed in this world.
Jot William Turner. Speak his name. Share his story.
💜 Fly high, Jot. 💜 You are missed. 💔
